以下是美国Debby老师给Qiqi(二年级）小朋友的作文修改反馈视频：

    Qiqi feedback gr 3-5 lesson 2.mp4 (21.19MB)

    本次写作 训练的问题是 个性记叙文体（Personal Narrative), 下面这个是写作需要达标对照的几个要点：

    图片1.png

    下面是QIQI小朋友的作文的修改版：

    A Merry Christmas

    It’s Christmas, aAnd I was’m on my way to school with my mom.

    I saw many kids during the walk. Then I saw my friend Anna! I hurried up to join her. After I said goodbye to my mom,~~ me and Anna and I went to some teachers offering candy, and we got some candy ourselves too.

    Now came the part that I think is the best. Anna showed me her toy house! It has changing color lights, and most of all, the house is so pretty! Anna and I had a great time there.

    We went into the classroom and saw everyone wearing reindeer costumes! My desk mate even has a cute S    santa! (Which I thought was a walrus.)
    Me and Tthe rest of our class and I also sang a Christmas song called “Santa Claus is coming to town” during English class. And our English teacher even took a picture of us wearing our costumes!

    After school, grandma and I got home. Grandma had brought an apple the day before. I sat in my chair, and happily ate some of it. I also shared it with my mom and grandma. The apple tasted very sweet.

    Books are    is~~ one of the top ten things that I like. And guess what?! My mom bought me books for athe Christmas present! And ~~I thanked her like crazy!

    I think it was    is~~ a merry, happy and fun Christmas. And Bbelieve me, those books are wonderful! I enjoyed them a lot! I also think that it’s worth to write about because it is very exciting. ~~And ~~I also had a great time both in school and at home.