rick 0210

好的早餐麦片的关键是 7成的麦片要在牛奶上面\N{\fs }The trick to cereal is keeping 70% above the milk.
Jerry 你赶紧找个工作吧\N{\fs }Jerry, get a job.
嗯 Jerry 要 要不你去开门吧\N{\fs }Uh, w-why don’t you get it, Jerry?
你是这家里的一家之主 而且你没有工作\N{\fs }You’re the man of the house, and you don’t have a job.
Rick的包裹\N{\fs }Delivery for Rick.
早上好啊 Summer Beth和Jerry\N{\fs }Morning, Summer, Beth, and Jerry.
好恶心 那是什么\N{\fs }Gross. What is that thing?
那是个信使飞行器\N{\fs }It’s a courier flap.
就相当于跨星系的联合包裹服务公司\N{\fs }It’s like the intergalactic version of U.P.S.,
只是没那么烦人\N{\fs }But less off-putting.
我靠\N{\fs }Oh, shiiit!
看来是鸟人给我发的邀请蛋啊\N{\fs }It looks like an egg-vite from birdperson.
又到了他一年一度的奥斯卡派对的时候了吧\N{\fs }Must be time for his annual Oscar party.
顺便 我们的电视信号要走几光年\N{\fs }And, by the way, our tv signals take light years
才能到达他的星球\N{\fs }To reach his planet.
谁也别告诉他<勇敢的心>获奖了( 年获奖)\N{\fs }Nobody tell him that “Braveheart” Wins.
大家好 我是鸟人\N{\fs }Greetings. This is birdperson.
还有Tammy\N{\fs }And Tammy!
邀请你们来屎瓜星球\N{\fs }Inviting you to planet Squanch
来参加我们的配偶结合仪式\N{\fs }For our mate-melding ceremony —
如果你是地球人\N{\fs }If you’re from earth,
这是在说我们要结婚了\N{\fs }That means we’re getting married!
哦 天呐\N{\fs }Oh, my god!
我的朋友Tammy要跟鸟人结婚了\N{\fs }My friend Tammy’s marrying birdperson!
鸟人是个什么啊\N{\fs }What the hell is a birdperson?
他是Rick的死党\N{\fs }He’s Rick’s best friend.
咱们先别太激动了 Morty\N{\fs }Uh, l-let’s not get carried away, Morty.
请问您要回复请帖还是要送上礼物\N{\fs }Would you like to RSVP or send a gift?
不 婚礼说白了就是带蛋糕的葬礼而已\N{\fs }No. Weddings are basically funerals with cake.
我要是想看别人白白扔掉大好人生\N{\fs }If I wanted to watch someone throw their life away,
我天天跟Jerry混在一起就好\N{\fs }I’d hang out with Jerry all day.
好的 即将返回送信人\N{\fs }Affirmative! Returning to sender.
- 不 等一下 停下 信使飞行器 - 正在停下\N{\fs }- No, hold on, stay, courier flaps. - Staying!
爸 你的朋友要结婚了\N{\fs }Dad, you have a friend that’s getting married.
这可是个大事啊\N{\fs }That’s a big deal.
他能有个朋友 这才算大事\N{\fs }It’s a big deal he has a friend.
Jerry 你懂什么友谊\N{\fs }What do you know about friendship, Jerry?
收到命令 正在运送Jerry\N{\fs }Confirmed, shipping Jerry.
喔 喔 喔 等一下\N{\fs }Whoa, whoa, wait!
哦 天呐 Jerry\N{\fs }Oh, god! Jerry!
爸\N{\fs }Dad!
它要把他带到哪里去呀\N{\fs }Where is it taking him?
我猜大概是屎瓜星球吧\N{\fs }I assume planet Squanch —
光年外星系的另外一头\N{\fs } , light years across the galaxy.
哇哦 那 太疯狂了吧\N{\fs }Whoa, t-that’s— that’s insane!
是啊 我知道 现在我们必须得去参加那个婚礼了\N{\fs }Yeah, I know. Now we have to go to the wedding.
Rick Sanchez\N{\fs }Rick Sanchez!
你这个大屎瓜\N{\fs }You psycho bag of squanch!
嘿 最近怎么样啊 屎瓜奇\N{\fs }Hey, what’s up, Squanchy?
嘿 屎瓜奇\N{\fs }Hey Squanchy
Morty Summer 你一定是Beth了\N{\fs }Morty, Summer! And you must be Beth.
呜啊 幸屎瓜会啊\N{\fs }Mwah! Ensquanche!
你们的语言里好像有很多”屎瓜”这词啊\N{\fs }You’re language has the word “squanch” In it a lot.
你们不觉得这个词用烂了以后就很无聊了么\N{\fs }Doesn’t that become tedious and worn out,
就像蓝精灵老说”smurf”一样\N{\fs }Like the smurf thing?
Beth 屎瓜文化更依赖于语境而不是文字\N{\fs }Beth, Squanchy culture is more contextual than literal.
你就直接说你屎瓜里所想到的 然后大家就能听懂\N{\fs }You just say what’s in your squanch and people understand.
哦 好吧\N{\fs }Oh. Okay.
我屎瓜我的家庭\N{\fs }I squanch my family.
怎么了 我真的\N{\fs }Uh… what, I do.
我真的很屎瓜我的家庭\N{\fs }I squanch my family.
别说了 真恶心\N{\fs }Stop saying it. Gross.
进来吧 伙计们\N{\fs }Come on in, guys.
客人们正在喝鸡尾屎瓜呢\N{\fs }The guest are having cocksquanches.
- 我这是在哪啊 - 婚礼上\N{\fs }- Where am I?! - You’re at a wedding.
去把衣服换了\N{\fs }Go change.
我是个爵士说唱外星人\N{\fs }And I’m an alien with jazz rap style
爵士说唱了一外星英里\N{\fs }Jazz rapping for an alien mile
肥肥的节拍带着外星的笑\N{\fs }Fat beats and an alien smile
爵士宇宙电话 外星拨打给我的伙伴\N{\fs }Jazz space phone, alien dial is my friend
我有一嘴的爵士给你的屁屁\N{\fs }I got a mouthful of jazz for your ass
然后我会继续爵士不停下\N{\fs }And I’m gonna keep jazzing
哎呀 你来了呀\N{\fs }Oh, you made it!
再怎么我也得来呀\N{\fs }I wouldn’t miss it for the world!
天啦 我好喜欢你的戒指\N{\fs }Oh, my god. I love your ring.
谢谢 是鸟人的奶奶留下来的\N{\fs }Thanks. It was birdperson’s grandmother’s.
她跟一只松鼠打了一架才拿到的\N{\fs }She fought a squirrel for it.
鸟人\N{\fs }Birdperson.
Rick 你和你的家人能来见证我和Tammy的结合\N{\fs }Rick, I am pleased you and your family
我真的很高兴\N{\fs }Could witness my melding with Tammy.
是我们的荣幸\N{\fs }Our pleasure.
是啊 我就是希望你们签了”结前协议”\N{\fs }Yeah, I just hope you got a pre-meld.
Rick 什么\N{\fs }Rick! What?!
就是一种比较实际的\N{\fs }It’s just a practical way of making sure
能保证她甩了你之后\N{\fs }That when she’s done with you,
你还能拿回一只蛋蛋的做法而已\N{\fs }You can get one of your balls back.
天呐 爸\N{\fs }Jesus, dad.
他就是刚下了飞船心情不好\N{\fs }He’s just grumpy from the flight.
哦哦 我 我坐飞船坐得很开心\N{\fs }Ohh, I-I was happy on the flight.
着陆弄得我不爽\N{\fs }I’m grumpy from the landing.
好吧 我看了一眼客人名单\N{\fs }Well, I looked at the guest book.
我们在这一个他妈的人都不认识\N{\fs }We don’t know a damn person here.
嗨 我是Jerry Smith 是新娘朋友的父亲\N{\fs }Hi! Jerry Smith— father of the bride’s friend.
做广告行业的 但是我目前待\N{\fs }Advertising is my usual game, but I’m between—
Jerry 别惦记发展人脉网了 我们在外星呢\N{\fs }Jerry, stop networking. We’re in space.
“Jerry 赶紧找个工作吧 \N{\fs }”Jerry, get a job!
Jerry 别在外星婚礼上找工作”\N{\fs }Jerry, don’t look for a job at an alien wedding!”
我真是弄不懂你了\N{\fs }I don’t get you.
这是我这辈子距离\N{\fs }This is the closest I’ve ever gotten
我爸爸这部分生活最近的一次\N{\fs }To this part of my father’s life.
我不想搞砸了\N{\fs }I don’t want to blow it.
好吧 我懂了 我碍事儿了\N{\fs }Okay, I get it. I’m cramping your style.
你说你懂了但是我真怕你会继续这样\N{\fs }You say you get it, but I’m scared you’ll keep doing it.
快看 来了几个人类 你可以先练练\N{\fs }Look, here’s some humans you can practice on.
你们一定是Summer的父母了\N{\fs }You must be Summer’s mom and dad.
我们是Tammy的父母 Pat和Donna Guterman\N{\fs }We’re Tammy’s parents— Pat and Donna Guterman.
你好 我是Beth\N{\fs }Hi. Beth.
这是Jerry\N{\fs }This is Jerry.
所以你们的青春期的女儿要嫁给一个鸟人了\N{\fs }So you’re teenage daughter’s marrying a birdman.
你们两个人还满意(不觉得恶心)么\N{\fs }Are you guys down with that?
我没有要搞双关的意思\N{\fs }No pun intended.
我们挺骄傲的\N{\fs }We’re quite proud.
他是个很棒的人 也是只不可思议的鸟\N{\fs }He’s a wonderful person and an incredible bird.
但是还是 他多大了 能有40岁了吧\N{\fs }Still, what is he, 40 ?
就是 你知道么\N{\fs }It’s just, you know,
他30岁的时候 她还是个孩子\N{\fs }When he was30, she was an actual child.
他像她这么大的时候她还没出生\N{\fs }When he was her age, she wasn’t born.
当他 我想想 左右那时候\N{\fs }When he was, let’s see, like, ,
她可是真的还在你的子宫里呢\N{\fs }She was literally in there in your womb.
想象一下你怀着你的女儿\N{\fs }Imagine being pregnant with your daughter
然后一直青春期的鸟人跑来你家说\N{\fs }And a bird teenager comes into your home and says,
“那个我要了 我要跟她做爱”\N{\fs }”I’ll take that. I’ll have sex with that.”
失陪一下\N{\fs }Give us one second.
你是含着自己的脚出生的吗\N{\fs }Were you born with your feet in your mouth?
我是被迫被一个肉球\N{\fs }I was transported here against my will
带过来的 好么\N{\fs }In a meatball, all right?
收起你那脾气 都带去凯马特超市男装区去\N{\fs }So take your attitude to the men’s section of Kmart,
别来烦我了(直译给我裁些长裤)\N{\fs }’cause you need to cut me some slack…s.
{\an \fs }(此处是Jerry蹩脚的文字游戏 cut me some slack别来烦我 slacks长裤)
你去站在墙角\N{\fs }I want you to stand in the corner
面壁站好 别跟任何人说话\N{\fs }And face the corner and talk to nobody.
也许 我 会 吧\N{\fs }Maybe…I…will.
今天是鸟人的大日子\N{\fs }You know, you’re not being very supportive
可是你摆出这副样子 不是很像来支持他的\N{\fs }Of birdperson on his big day.
Morty 鸟人的大日子\N{\fs }Birdperson’s big day, Morty,
是在Glapflap星的第三个卫星上的血脊上\N{\fs }Was at blood ridge on Glapflap’s third moon
与那些Gromflamite(星系政府的工作人员)大战的那一天\N{\fs }Against the Gromflamites!
这 这是一场必输的战争\N{\fs }This? This is a losing battle.
天呐 Rick 他又不是要死了\N{\fs }Geez, Rick, it’s not like he’s dying.
他要结婚了\N{\fs }He’s getting married!
你稍微放开一点\N{\fs }I mean, what do you think’s gonna happen
又能发生什么呢\N{\fs }If you open yourself up a little bit?
看看周围\N{\fs }I mean, look around.
都是你的家人和朋友\N{\fs }This is your family and friends all around you, you know?
今天给自己放个假吧\N{\fs }Take the day off.
不用逃跑 不用战斗\N{\fs }There’s nothing to run from, nothing to fight.
这是他的姓\N{\fs }That’s his last name.
你要加连字符冠上他的姓么\N{\fs }Are you hyphenating it?
屎瓜这个 傻逼\N{\fs }Squanch this, mo-fo.
说的真好啊Morty 不好意思 酒保\N{\fs }Good one, Morty. Excuse me, bartender.
你能给我调一杯”傻逼外孙心灵鸡汤”么\N{\fs }Can you make me a dumb grandson pep talk?
配方是一份 对根本不懂的事乱提烂建议\N{\fs }It’s one part lame advice about stuff you know nothing about
加上大量的伏特加\N{\fs }And a lot of vodka.
嗯 我有不少伏特加\N{\fs }Mm-hmm. I have a lot of vodka.
那我就来一杯这个\N{\fs }Then I’ll take one of those.
其他的部分我不需要\N{\fs }I don’t need the rest.
天呐 随你便吧 Rick\N{\fs }God, whatever, Rick.
哦 听起来你跟我爸在一起\N{\fs }Oh, it sounds like you and my dad have
有很长一段历史了吧\N{\fs }A long history together.
真希望我也能这么说\N{\fs }Wish I could say the same.
你父亲与我共同走过的这条路\N{\fs }The road your father and I walked together
浸满了朋友与敌人的鲜血\N{\fs }Is soaked deeply with the blood of both friends and enemies.
听上去很不错啊\N{\fs }Must be nice.
嗯 我以前都不得不用蜡笔\N{\fs }Um, I used to have to draw him
把他画进全家福里\N{\fs }Into family photos with a crayon.
我们共同的战争还远远没有结束\N{\fs }The war in which we fought is far from over.
我们都在躲藏中生活\N{\fs }We live our lives in hiding.
我应该为你高兴吧\N{\fs }I guess I should be happy for you.
我是说 真好 你俩能混在一起\N{\fs }I mean, great, you guys got to hang out.
希望你们以前玩得开心\N{\fs }I hope you had a blast.
星系政府认为我们是恐怖分子\N{\fs }The galactic government considers us terrorists.
我告诉你这些细节其实是不明智的\N{\fs }It’s unwise of me to share these details,
但是我有点醉了\N{\fs }But I’ve become inebriated.
我不知道你能不能理解\N{\fs }I don’t know if you can appreciate
成长的过程中没有父亲意味着什么 但是\N{\fs }What it means to grow up without a father, but—
这次婚礼的客人名单\N{\fs }The guest list at this wedding
包括了 位联邦最希望捉拿的罪犯\N{\fs }Includes of the federation’s most wanted.
我们曾以自由之名\N{\fs }We have committed numerous atrocities
犯下无数暴行\N{\fs }In the name of freedom.
啊 在那段时间里\N{\fs }An-nnd during that time,
我猜他没有提到他的乖女儿吧\N{\fs }I don’t suppose he ever mentioned his daughter.
这个是迷你法式咸派吗\N{\fs }Are those baby quiches?
填料是蚯蚓酱\N{\fs }Night crawler pate. 爬虫
我得为仪式做准备了\N{\fs }I should prepare for the ceremony.
真是对牛弹琴\N{\fs }Like talking to a brick wall.
以屎瓜 六大河\N{\fs }In the name of the squanch, the six rivers,
四屎瓜 和九球的名义\N{\fs }The four squanches, and the nine balls,
我来见证这两只生物的永久屎瓜\N{\fs }I unite these two organisms in eternal squanch!
Tammy 你可以屎瓜你的誓言了\N{\fs }Tammy, you may squanch your vows now.
鸟人郎君\N{\fs }Birdperson…
你是我的种子 我的虫子\N{\fs }You are my seed, my worm,
我的早起 我的无猫\N{\fs }My earliness, and my lack of cats.
我发誓与你相伴直到死亡\N{\fs }I promise to be yours until your death.
说得好\N{\fs }Nice!
轮到你了\N{\fs }Birdperson.
Tammy 在遇到你时 我已经快不育了\N{\fs }Tammy, I was approaching infertility when I met you,
然而我们还有时间\N{\fs }But there is still time.
我属于你一人 直到死亡\N{\fs }I am yours until my death.
我宣布你们结为屎瓜和鸟人\N{\fs }I now pronounce you squanch and birdperson!
我没在盯着你看\N{\fs }I am not staring at you.
我是个电子人摄影师 请自然一点\N{\fs }I am a cyborg photographer. Just act natural.
我正在抓拍（candid shot指被拍照者不知道被拍的自然抓拍）\N{\fs }This is a candid shot.
我不需要相机 所以\N{\fs }I don’t require a camera so—
抱歉\N{\fs }Sorry.
我没在盯着你看\N{\fs }Hi. I am not staring at you.
大家好\N{\fs }Uh, hi, everybody.
我叫Rick\N{\fs }I’m Rick.
我第一次遇见鸟人的时候 他有点 呃\N{\fs }You know, when I first met birdperson, he was, uhh…
(越来越小声)\N(把纸揉成一团)\N(即兴发挥吧)
我不是宇宙里的最好的人\N{\fs }Listen, I’m not the nicest guy in the universe
因为我是最聪明的那个\N{\fs }Because I’m the smartest.
与人为善是那些蠢货干的事\N{\fs }And being nice is something stupid people do.
以此来弥补他们的愚蠢\N{\fs }To hedge their bets.
我还没挑明了说\N{\fs }Now, I haven’t been exactly subtle
我到底多不相信婚姻\N{\fs }About how little I trust marriage.
我无法维持我的婚姻\N{\fs }I couldn’t make it work,
尽管我能把黑洞变回恒星\N{\fs }And I could turn a black hole into a sun.
所以到了某一时刻 我们必须扪心自问\N{\fs }So at a certain point, you got to ask yourself
这是个正确决定的几率有多渺茫\N{\fs }What are the odds this is legit.
说不定这只是我们的自我欺骗\N{\fs }And not just some big lie we’re all telling ourselves.
因为我们不想孤独终老\N{\fs }Because we’re afraid to die alone?
因为 这恰恰是我们死的方式 独自死亡\N{\fs }Because, you know, that’s exactly how we all die, alone.
天呐\N{\fs }Oh, boy.
老天爷\N{\fs }Jesus.
但 但是 正文来了\N{\fs }But, but, here’s the thing.
鸟人是我最好的朋友\N{\fs }Birdperson is my best friend,
如果他爱Tammy 那我也爱她\N{\fs }And if he loves Tammy, well, then I love Tammy, too.
致友谊 致爱情\N{\fs }To friendship, to love,
致敬我至今最大的冒险\N{\fs }and to my greatest adventure yet—
向他人敞开心扉\N{\fs }Opening myself up to others.
说得好\N{\fs }Hear, hear!
干杯 [哔]\N{\fs }Cheers to that, mother[bleep]!
谢谢 Rick\N{\fs }Thank you, Rick.
非常感人\N{\fs }That was beautiful.
当我环顾四周 我对自己说\N{\fs }Gosh, I look around this room, and I think,
“Tammy 你就是个地球来的高三女生”\N{\fs }”Uh, tammy, you’re a high-school senior”
“你这就要嫁给一个 岁的鸟人了”\N{\fs }”From the planet earth, and you’re marrying”
“真是不可思议”\N{\fs }”A -year-old birdperson? Like, what?!”
真棒 Tammy\N{\fs }Yeah, tammy!
然后我又想 从很多方面来说\N{\fs }But then I think, you know, in a lot of ways,
我不是个地球来的高三女生\N{\fs }I’m not a high-school senior from the planet earth.
从很多角度来说 我实际上是个\N{\fs }In a lot of ways, what I really am
银河联邦局的卧底特工\N{\fs }Is a deep-cover agent for the galactic federation,
你们这群通缉要犯\N{\fs }And you guys are a group of wanted criminals,
这座建筑 这么说吧 已经被包围了\N{\fs }And this entire building is, in a certain sense, surrounded.
我靠\N{\fs }Oh, shit.
我不是很懂这是什么暗喻\N{\fs }I…don’t get the metaphor.
一会再跟你解释\N{\fs }I’ll explain it to you later.
所有人都被捕了\N{\fs }Everyone here is under arrest
罪名是反叛联邦\N{\fs }For crimes against the federation.
祝福新人\N{\fs }L’chaim!
Tammy 你这是干什么\N{\fs }Tammy, what are you doing?
把你的鸟屁股坐下\N{\fs }Sit your bird ass down.
Tammy\N{\fs }Tammy?
鸟人\N{\fs }Birdperson!!
不要\N{\fs }No!!
我\N{\fs }Holy—
把传送枪放下\N{\fs }Drop the portal gun.
扔到屋子中央\N{\fs }Slide it to the center of the room.
来人把那个没收掉 别弄坏了\N{\fs }Somebody confiscate that and don’t damage it.
局里的人还要\N{\fs }They’ll want it at—
没时间屎瓜了\N{\fs }There’s no time to squanch!
带上你的家人快走\N{\fs }Get your family out of here!
这里我搞定\N{\fs }I got this.
尝尝我的屎瓜\N{\fs }How about a taste of my squanch?!
快 走这边\N{\fs }Come on, this way!
屎瓜这个\N{\fs }Squanch this!
还好我捡了把武器\N{\fs }Good thing I grabbed a space weapon.
这是把礼花枪 蠢猪\N{\fs }That’s a confetti gun, you idiot!
- 老爸 - 抓紧\N{\fs }- Dad! - Hold on tight!
啊\N{\fs }Aaah!!
啊\N{\fs }Aaaah!!
该死的 真是该死\N{\fs }God damn it! God damn it!!
刚才到底什么情况\N{\fs }What the hell happened back there?!
都赖你们 我说过婚礼都烂透了\N{\fs }This is on you guys. I told you weddings are stupid.
Rick 关于你和之前我们从没听说过的\N{\fs }Uh, Rick, is there anything you’d like to tell us
银河联邦之间的故事\N{\fs }About your relationship
你是不是和我们讲一下\N{\fs }With this previously unknown galactic government?
这还不明显吗\N{\fs }All the important points seem pretty clear, no?
他们自认为统治银河系 我不同意\N{\fs }They think they control the galaxy, I disagree.
别怪玩家 游戏的错\N{\fs }Don’t hate the player, hate the game, son.
你怎么能对家人如此不诚实\N{\fs }How could you be so dishonest with this family?
难不成我本来该再敞开些心扉 更加有爱 轻信别人 \N{\fs }Oh! Oh, should I have been more open and trusting
就像 我想想\N{\fs }And loving like, oh, I don’t know,
就跟刚死掉的我最好的朋友那样吗\N{\fs }My now dead best friend?
或者像你女儿那样\N{\fs }Or your daughter,
找个死党 结果她还是个跨星系缉毒警察\N{\fs }Who is BFFs with an intergalactic NARC?
Tammy挺酷的\N{\fs }Hey, Tammy was cool!
- 现在知道为什么了 - 就因为你\N{\fs }- And now we know why. - Because of you!
[哔]你啊 Summer 顺带[哔]政府\N{\fs }[bleep] you, Summer, and [bleep] the government,
还要[哔]我 因为我松懈了\N{\fs }And [bleep] me for letting my guard down,
以后永远不会这样了\N{\fs }Which I will never do again.
积点口德 Rick\N{\fs }Geez, Rick!
你怎么能对孙女说出[哔]这种字眼\N{\fs }You can’t say “f—‘f’ you” to your granddaughter.
我就说了怎么样 附赠一句 [哔]你\N{\fs }I just did, Morty. Here’s dessert, [bleep] you.
我们刚熬过一场可怕的婚礼\N{\fs }Look, I think we’ve all had a tough wedding.
其实吧 婚礼挺美的\N{\fs }Actually, the wedding was beautiful.
接待有点失控\N{\fs }The reception got out of hand.
不扯那些 我们还是回家洗洗睡吧 忘掉一切\N{\fs }Anyway, I say we go home, sleep it off,
然后明早开个家庭会议\N{\fs }And have a family meeting in the morning.
回家这事吧 不行 永远都不能\N{\fs }Yeah, about going home, we can’t—ever.
什么\N{\fs }What?!
那群人正找我们呢\N{\fs }Oh, these guys are looking for us now.
他们肯定蜂拥到地球了\N{\fs }Earth will be swarming with them.
找”我们”\N{\fs }Us?!
- Jerry - 我想回家\N{\fs }- Jerry. - I want to go home!
你们谁想回地球的话\N{\fs }Look, anyone that wants to go back to earth
随你的便\N{\fs }Is free to go back to earth.
但是后果是\N{\fs }But here’s what’s gonna happen.
外星官僚的走狗会逮捕你们\N{\fs }Aliens bureaucrats are gonna arrest you.
他们会拿星系里相当于跨接电缆的东西\N{\fs }They’re gonna put the intergalactic equivalent
接到你的蛋蛋或者洞洞下面\N{\fs }Of jumper cables under your nuts and or labia,
然后另一头连上外星车载电池\N{\fs }And hook them up to an alien car battery.
一直电到你们说出我的藏身之处\N{\fs }Until you tell them where I am—
并且我保证你们不知道我在哪\N{\fs }Which I guarantee you, you’re not gonna know,
当然 他们肯定不会信\N{\fs }Which I guarantee they won’t believe.
谁想家了 掌声欢送\N{\fs }So who’s homesick? By applause.
女士们 有谁要回吗\N{\fs }Ladies? Anybody?
我们怎么办\N{\fs }What are we going to do?
我们要住哪里\N{\fs }Where are we going to live?
放轻松 塞翁失马焉知非福\N{\fs }Take it easy. This is a blessing in disguise.
去[哔]的地球吧\N{\fs }[bleep] earth.
你知道我们星球名字的意思是”尘土”吧\N{\fs }You realize our planet’s name means dirt, right?
我们会找到新世界的\N{\fs }We’ll find a new world.
电脑 银河系里有多少星球\N{\fs }Computer, how many planets in the milky way
和地球相似度超过九成的\N{\fs }Are at least % similar to earth?
已知 个\N{\fs } known planets.
那其中有多少在银河联邦管辖之外的\N{\fs }How many of those are outside federal jurisdiction?
三个\N{\fs }Three.
看吧 比我们需要的还多\N{\fs }See? Our cup runneth over.
谁想去购个物\N{\fs }Now, who wants to go shopping
为这个新[哔]世界做准备\N{\fs }For a brand-new mother[bleep] world?!
走起\N{\fs }All right!
瞅瞅这宝贝儿\N{\fs }Look at this baby!
根本看不出这不是地球吧\N{\fs }Would you even know that wasn’t earth?
当然看得出 这没有非洲\N{\fs }Yes, because there’s no africa.
切 白种人就是事多 Morty\N{\fs }Pssh. White-people problems, Morty.
我们着陆下去看看\N{\fs }Let’s go down and check her out.
我以为还远着呢 这就撞上了\N{\fs }Oh. I thought it was further away.
这个 这个估计有点小\N{\fs }I uh…I guess this one’s a little small.
那 那就\N{\fs }All right, uh, maybe…
那我们去另外两个看看吧\N{\fs }Maybe we should go check out the other two, huh?
这个挺大的\N{\fs }Okay, this one’s bigger.
不错的样子\N{\fs }This looks nice.
老爸老妈 快看\N{\fs }Mom, dad, look!
玉米穗上长草莓\N{\fs }Strawberries on a cob!
来看看这个\N{\fs }Whoa! Hey, check this out!
玉米穗上开花\N{\fs }Flowers on a cob!
花和草莓都长在玉米穗上啊\N{\fs }Huh. Strawberries and flowers on a cob, huh?
真是酷炫\N{\fs }That’s pretty cool.
那不会是 在玉米穗上的山吧\N{\fs }Are those… mountains on a cob?
我的天\N{\fs }Oh, my god.
- 快上船 - 什么\N{\fs }- Get in the ship, sweetie. - What?
快[哔]的上船\N{\fs }Get in the god[bleep] ship!!
所有东西都长在玉米穗上\N{\fs }Everything’s on a cob!!
这个星球都在玉米穗上 快走快走\N{\fs }The whole planet’s on a cob!! Go, go, go!!
好吧 至三必成\N{\fs }All right, third time’s the charm.
看看这个什么情况\N{\fs }See what we got here.
看着还行\N{\fs }Seems good.
没有长在玉米棒上的东西了\N{\fs }And nothing on the cob.
虽然不知道那还得是必须的 但是\N{\fs }Didn’t know that was a necessity, but…
这个挺好 我觉得就是它了\N{\fs }No, it’s nice. I think this might be it.
大家看\N{\fs }Wow! Hey, look, you guys.
太阳升起来了\N{\fs }The sun’s rising.
老爸 这地方白天有多长\N{\fs }Uh, dad, how long are the days on this planet?
电脑 这星球上白天有多长\N{\fs }Uh, computer, how long are the days on this planet?
小时\N{\fs } hours.
只有这两个选择了\N{\fs }All right, well, those are the two choices.
因为”玉米棒”星不予考虑\N{\fs }’Cause cob planet is off the table.
我们投一下票\N{\fs }Now let’s take a vote.
事情已成定局\N{\fs }Well, it’s official.
这个寂寂无名的叫做地球的星球\N{\fs }The obscure planet known as earth,
星际恐怖分子\N{\fs }Formerly the hiding place of
逃犯Rick Sanchez的前藏身之处\N{\fs }Interstellar terrorist and fugitive Rick Sanchez,
现在成为了第 个\N{\fs }Has just become the , th planet
加入银河联邦的星球\N{\fs }To join the galactic federation.
这是个满是水和土的小球\N{\fs }The plucky little ball of water and dirt,
它也因此得名\N{\fs }Which is where it gets its name,
这颗星球被七十亿灵长类生物占据\N{\fs }Is dominated by seven billion primate-descended natives
他们喜欢吃意面 而且向袋鼠祈祷\N{\fs }Who love to eat spaghetti and pray to kangaroos.
意面 还有袋鼠\N{\fs }Spaghetti, kangaroos?
我一定得去看个究竟\N{\fs }I’ve got to check this place out.
你当然能\N{\fs }Well, you can.
详情请咨询旅游局\N{\fs }Contact the ministry of tourism for details.
下一则新闻 青少年把这个叫做\N{\fs }Up next, teenagers are calling it—
并且不是你想的那样\N{\fs }And it’s not what you think.
你干什 你干嘛呢\N{\fs }What are you—what did you do that for?
为了戏剧效果\N{\fs }Dramatic effect.
大家早上好啊\N{\fs }Good morning, family.
我闻到的是培根的味道吗\N{\fs }Oh, do I smell bacon?
是 我们在新澳大利亚海岸\N{\fs }Yes, we discovered a species of tiny pig
发现了一种新品种的小型猪\N{\fs }Off the coast of new Australia
- 东边 码左右 - 或者说西边 码\N{\fs }- About yards east. - Or yards west.
我们本应给你弄一点吃\N{\fs }We’d offer you some,
但是一顿早饭就把那猪吃灭绝了\N{\fs }But we hunted it to extinction for breakfast.
我打算走到南极点\N{\fs }Well, I thought I’d walk to the south pole
稍微探索一下\N{\fs }And do a little bit of exploring.
有事的话 喊我就行\N{\fs }If you guys need me, just yell,
或者拿个什么东西使劲扔\N{\fs }Or throw something so hard
绕星球一圈砸我一下\N{\fs }That it goes around the world and hits me.
现在他走了\N{\fs }Okay, now that he’s gone,
我们能不能谈谈现在的处境\N{\fs }Can we please talk about our situation?
老爸 我们不能在别人背后议论\N{\fs }Dad, you can’t talk about people behind their back.
世界之小 藏不住秘密\N{\fs }You know, it’s a small world.
得了吧 他在南极呢\N{\fs }Please, he’s in the south pole!
我们真得好好谈谈\N{\fs }And we need to have a serious conversation.
发现南极点\N{\fs }South pole discovered, baby!
哦耶\N{\fs }Ohhhh!
我[哔] 一个冰穴\N{\fs }Oh [bleep], an ice cave?
我[哔] 真是越来越有趣了\N{\fs }[bleep], things just keep on getting better.
这是星球的核心\N{\fs }Wow, it’s the planet’s core.
我只是说\N{\fs }I’m just saying,
我们表现得好像只有两种选择\N{\fs }We keep acting like there’s only two options,
但是不只有两个选项\N{\fs }But there’s not.
假设我们回到地球\N{\fs }So, yes, if we went back to earth,
只要Rick还逍遥法外\N{\fs }As long as Rick was out there,
他们就会审讯我们\N{\fs }They’d want to interrogate us.
但是 我只是假设\N{\fs }But, and this is purely hypothetical,
如果我们向政府告发你爸 怎么样\N{\fs }What if we turned your father in to the government?
Jerry 以上帝的名义\N{\fs }Jerry, so help me god,
如果你敢再提这事 培根没你的份\N{\fs }If you ever bring this up again, no more bacon.
本来就没有培根了\N{\fs }There already is no more bacon!
这地方逊毙了\N{\fs }This world sucks!
我们活得逊毙了\N{\fs }Our life sucks!
为什么我们要牺牲这么多\N{\fs }Why are we doing this
就为了一个做事只考虑自己的人\N{\fs }For someone that would never do anything for anyone but himself?
这不是重点 老爹\N{\fs }That’s not the point, dad!
我们爱Rick 至少总的来讲是爱他的\N{\fs }We love Rick…F-for the most part.
爱一个人不是为了得到回报\N{\fs }Yeah, you don’t love people in hopes of a reward, dad,
爱是无条件的\N{\fs }You love them unconditionally.
说得好 宝贝 真为你们骄傲\N{\fs }That’s very good, kids. I’m proud of you.
我把情况捋一捋\N{\fs }Okay, so let me get this straight.
在你们下半生里\N{\fs }For the rest of your lives,
不论他伤你多深\N{\fs }No matter how much it hurts you,
不论他把你孩子引入何等的歧途\N{\fs }No matter how much it destroys our children’s futures,
无论什么时候 无论Rick想做什么 我们都得照做\N{\fs }We’re gonna do whatever Rick wants, whenever he wants?
- 是 - 为什么\N{\fs }- Yes. - Why?!
因为我不想再让他走了 你个混蛋\N{\fs }Because I don’t want him to leave again, you dumb asshole!!
嘿 呃\N{\fs }Hey. Uh…
我要去那边的 Gloppydrop星系\N{\fs }I was gonna hope over to the gloppydrop system,
弄点冰淇淋\N{\fs }Get some ice cream.
你 你想叫我一起吗\N{\fs }You, you want me to come with?
你不是需要我的脑电波\N{\fs }I mean, don’t you need my brain waves
做什么伪装吗\N{\fs }For camouflage or something?
我没事的\N{\fs }I’ll be okay.
再见 Morty\N{\fs }Bye, Morty.
Rick\N{\fs }Rick?
你不是要离开吧\N{\fs }You’re not leaving, right?
我是要走啊 去弄冰淇淋\N{\fs }Yeah, I am. To get ice cream.
你还会回来的吧\N{\fs }So, you’re coming back?
Morty 要是你去弄冰淇淋吃\N{\fs }Morty, if you go to where there’s a bunch of ice cream
然后就不回来了\N{\fs }And then you don’t come back,
那就不是”去弄”冰淇淋了\N{\fs }You haven’t actually gotten ice cream,
你只是到冰淇淋在的地方了\N{\fs }You’ve just gone where ice cream is.
Rick 你要走 我能接受\N{\fs }Rick, I can handle it if you go,
但是老妈会伤心欲绝的\N{\fs }But you’ll break mom’s heart.
这一点我不会原谅你\N{\fs }And I won’t forgive you for that.
那辆车呢 Morty\N{\fs }Where’s the van, Morty?
在地平线后面 停在车道上\N{\fs }It’s over the horizon in the driveway.
. , : : . ,Default,NTP, , , ,,英语服务请按 \N{\fs }For English, press .
联络特工\N{\fs }Connecting to agent.
调查中案件\N{\fs }Ongoing investigations.
你好 我叫Jerry Smith 来自地球\N{\fs }Uh, hi, my name is Jerry Smith, I’m from planet Earth.
我知道Rick Sanchez的行踪\N{\fs }I know the whereabouts of Rick sanchez,
那个通缉要犯\N{\fs }The wanted criminal.
请稍后\N{\fs }Hold on!
我是特工Gribbles\N{\fs }This is Special Agent Gribbles.
你有Rick Sanchez的消息吗\N{\fs }You have a tip about Rick Sanchez?
他绑架了我们一家\N{\fs }Yeah, he kidnapped me and my family,
把我们扔在Terrace 号矮行星上\N{\fs }And he left us on dwarf Terrace- .
他说要去Plimplom酒馆\N{\fs }He said he was gonna go to the Plimplom tavern.
- 还有 - 你说\N{\fs }- And listen. - Yes?
为了银河系 我才打电话告诉你\N{\fs }I’m doing what’s right for the galaxy by calling you,
所以我们回地球之后 可不可以平静地生活\N{\fs }So if we come back to earth, can my family have a normal life?
我们只想抓Sanchez 你的家人会没事的\N{\fs }We only want Sanchez, sir. Your family will be fine.
很好 谢谢\N{\fs }Nice. Thank you.
我是Jerry Smith 我最喜欢跪舔大粗[哔]\N{\fs }I’m Jerry Smith, and I love sucking big, sweaty [bleep].
还喜欢舔长毛蛋蛋\N{\fs }And licking disgusting furry testicle sacks.
呃 好吧\N{\fs }Uh…Okay.
Nine Inch Nails - Hurt
他不会回来了 对吧\N{\fs }He’s not coming back, is he?
不会了\N{\fs }No.
有条子来了\N{\fs }Hey, look, cops.
早上好\N{\fs }Good morning.
你要在地球待多久\N{\fs }How long will you be visiting earth?
我们在这居住\N{\fs }Oh, we live here.
我们只是去参加了个婚礼\N{\fs }We were just off-planet for a wedding.
走那边\N{\fs }Go that way.
我探测到你正处于悲伤中\N{\fs }I have processed that you are in in distress.
我为你开了抗抑郁药\N{\fs }And have prescribed antidepressants.
银河联邦向您表示敬意\N{\fs }Compliments of the galactic federation.
感觉好多了\N{\fs }I feel better.
你现在欠 联邦元\N{\fs }Your debt is , fed credits.
在就业处报道\N{\fs }Report to the ministry of employment.
你会被指派一项任务\N{\fs }And you will be assigned a function.
亲爱的 我有工作了\N{\fs }Honey! I got a job!
抱歉 我没有盯着你看\N{\fs }Sorry, I am not staring at you,
我在拍你的面部照片\N{\fs }I am taking your mug shot.
你因为什么事进来的\N{\fs }Hey, what are you in for?
因为一切\N{\fs }Everything.
真是跌宕起伏\N{\fs }Hoo-whee, what a cliffhanger.
天呐 地呀\N{\fs }Oh, boy, oh, my,
这结局真够扯的 是吧\N{\fs }That’s a real crazy ending, huh?
嗨 我是第四集出现的便便洞先生\N{\fs }Hi, I’m Mr. Poopybutthole from episode .
正如你们所见\N{\fs }As you can see,
因为Beth 上次受的枪伤\N{\fs }I’m still recovering from the bullet shot
我还在恢复中\N{\fs }That I got from beth.
还记得吗 真是惊险\N{\fs }Remember that one? Ooh-whee!
快吃吧 猫猫\N{\fs }Come and get it, kitty.
这些小可爱陪我度过了艰苦时期\N{\fs }You know, these little fellows help me get through the day.
哦耶\N{\fs }Ooh-whee.
哦耶耶 感觉好多了\N{\fs }Oh, whoo-whee! Feels better.
这是一份大号加意大利辣肠的披萨 和\N{\fs }I got a large pepperoni and some crazy sticks.
你觉得这结局怎么样啊\N{\fs }Hey, what did you think of that finale, huh?
你觉得Smith一家人会没事的吗\N{\fs }Mm! You think the Smith family is gonna be okay?
我不知道你在说什么 哥们\N{\fs }Yeah, I don’t know what you’re talking about, bro.
一共 . 刀\N{\fs }Your total is $ . .
你觉得Rick会出狱吗\N{\fs }Whoo-whee! You think Rick’s gonna get out off jail?
你觉得他家人会去救他吗\N{\fs }Whoo-whee, you think the family’s gonna rescue him?
你[哔]搞什么 快[哔]下来\N{\fs }Hey, what the [bleep]?! Get the [bleep] off me!
第三季播出时间 大概在\N{\fs }Tune into “Rick and Morty” Season three in, like,
一年半之后吧\N{\fs }A year and a half…
或者更久 等着看我们怎么让事情明朗起来吧\N{\fs }Or longer to see how we unravel this mess.
哦耶\N{\fs }Ooh-whee!