4.5
    短信,, , , ,,{\fs \frz . \pos( , )}你老爸对他的智商没安全感
    行星,, , , ,,{\fs \frz . \pos( , )}冥王星 = 行星
    横幅,, , , ,,{\fs \frz . \pos( . , . )}科学精英会
    嗨 Rick\N{\fs }Hey, Rick.
    周末有个科技展览 我必须要交个手工作业\N{\fs }I have to make a project for the science fair this weekend.
    你能帮我吗\N{\fs }You think you could help me out?
    随便\N{\fs }Whatever.
    嗯 传统而言 科技展览应该是老爸和儿子的事\N{\fs }Well, I mean, traditionally, science fairs are a father-son thing.
    嗯 科学而言 传统是傻瓜的事\N{\fs }Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing.
    Morty 我觉得你和你爸一起做科学作业应该挺有意思的\N{\fs }Morty, I think it would be fun for you to work on a science project with your dad.
    噢 对啊 老爸\N{\fs }Un… Yeah, Dad.
    我们一起做怎么样\N{\fs }Why don’t we do it together?
    太好了\N{\fs }Yes!
    儿子 找我就是找对人了\N{\fs }You backed the right horse on this one, son.
    我们把蜡笔翻出来 喝点咖啡\N{\fs }We’ll get out the crayons, brew some coffee,
    两三天就能搞定\N{\fs }and knock this thing out on two or three days.
    我存在的意义是什么\N{\fs }What is my purpose?
    把黄油拿来\N{\fs }Pass the butter.
    多谢\N{\fs }Thank you.
    老爸 开车送我去上班\N{\fs }Dad, I need a ride to work.
    Rick可以送你\N{\fs }Maybe Rick can give you a ride.
    我要帮Morty搞科研\N{\fs }I’m helping Morty with science.
    我有事\N{\fs }I’m busy.
    什么事\N{\fs }Doing what?
    其他事\N{\fs }Uh, anything else.
    我存在的意义是什么\N{\fs }What is my purpose?
    递黄油\N{\fs }You pass butter.
    天啊\N{\fs }Oh, my god.
    欢迎来到这个世界\N{\fs }Yeah, welcome to the club, pal.
    你啥时候找到工作的\N{\fs }Since when do you have a job?
    上个礼拜\N{\fs }Since last week.
    在二手古董店做兼职\N{\fs }It’s part-time at this little vintage thrift store.
    我老板很聪明 很古怪 但是他对我很好\N{\fs }My boss is this really smart, eccentric old man that treats me nice and values me.
    咦噢\N{\fs }Meow.
    我到是要见见是何方神圣\N{\fs }Can’t wait to meet this fascinating character.
    千万别\N{\fs }Please don’t.
    噢\N{\fs }Oh.
    这儿以前不是珍宝果汁店吗\N{\fs }Well, when did this stop being Jamba Juice?
    我们刚刚开张\N{\fs }I’ve just recently opened for business, mister, um,
    Goldenfold先生\N{\fs }Goldenfold.
    你知道我名字\N{\fs }You know my name?
    真是倍感亲切\N{\fs }That’s disarming.
    我还知道你渴望能有美人相伴\N{\fs }I also know you long for female company.
    离婚后我一直很空虚\N{\fs }You know, it has been lonely since the divorce.
    珍宝果汁无法填补的空虚\N{\fs }Some voids can’t be filled with Jamba Juice.
    这须后水能让女人为你神魂颠倒\N{\fs }This aftershave makes a man quite irresistible to women.
    不要钱\N{\fs }Free of charge.
    这里的东西要的都不是钱\N{\fs }One never pays here — not with money.
    知道这么多久够了 谢了\N{\fs }Nothing to read into there. Thanks!
    对不起所需先生 我迟到了\N{\fs }Sorry I’m late, Mr.Needful.
    这是我外公 Rick\N{\fs }This is my grandpa, Rick.
    他马上就走\N{\fs }He was just leaving.
    告诉我 Rick 你渴望什么\N{\fs }Tell me, Rick, what do you desire?
    我自给自足\N{\fs }Eh, I make my own stuff.
    嗯 你是什么 魔鬼吗\N{\fs }So, what are you — like, the Devil?
    什么 不好意思\N{\fs }What? Sorry?
    我也说不准 突然冒出来个商店\N{\fs }I don’t know. Story comes out of nowhere,
    卖一些古怪的老玩意儿\N{\fs }All the shit’s old and creepy.
    你是魔鬼吗 或者恶魔 矮妖\N{\fs }Are you the Devil? A Demon? Leprechaun?
    Rick外公\N{\fs }Grandpa Rick!
    我又没批评他 只是有话直说\N{\fs }Hey, I’m not judging. Just like shoot straight.
    我毕竟是搞科学的\N{\fs }I’m a man of science.
    噢 那你或许用得上这个\N{\fs }Ah, then perhaps you could make use of this.
    这个显微镜能揭秘不可思议之物\N{\fs }This microscope reveals things beyond comprehension.
    外公 回家喝你的酒\N{\fs }Grandpa, go home and drink.
    我们做个太阳系模型怎么样\N{\fs }Why don’t we do a model of the solar system?
    我像你这么的时候 我老爹就和我做这个\N{\fs }That’s what my dad did with me when I was your age.
    哦 好啊\N{\fs }Oh, okay.
    虽然Rick成天待在他的实验室\N{\fs }You know, Rick’s in his lab,
    搞些电子人啊 虫洞啊 那些奇怪的东西\N{\fs }making cyborgs and wormholes and all that weird stuff,
    但这才是真正的科学\N{\fs }but this is real science.
    爸爸和儿子 一起造行星\N{\fs }A man and his boy, making planets.
    嘿 用乒乓球做冥王星怎么样\N{\fs }Hey, how about we use a Ping-Pong ball for Pluto?
    然后木星\N{\fs }And then Jupiter…
    其实 冥王星好像不是行星\N{\fs }Uh, actually, I don’t think Pluto is a Planet.
    儿子 冥王星当然是行星\N{\fs }Of course Pluto is a planet, son.
    我三年级就知道了\N{\fs }I learned that in the third grade.
    啊 对 但是后来有人改了\N{\fs }Well, yeah, but you know they changed it.
    Morty 行星这种事怎么会改呢\N{\fs }Morty, nobody changed the planets.
    我刚在谷歌上查了\N{\fs }I just Googled it.
    冥王星不是行星\N{\fs }Pluto is not a planet.
    年就改了\N{\fs }They changed it in .
    对 这个我听说了\N{\fs }Yeah, I heard about that, Morty.
    但是我不同意\N{\fs }And I disagree.
    你不同意\N{\fs }You disagree?
    不同意\N{\fs }That’s right.
    科学中产生分歧很正常 Morty\N{\fs }It’s possible to disagree in science, Morty.
    冥王星以前是行星\N{\fs }Pluto was a planet.
    后来被一些自以为是的狗屁委员会否定了\N{\fs }Some committee of fancy assholes disagree.
    我否定回去 把乒乓球给我\N{\fs }I disagree back. Give me a Ping-Pong ball.
    好\N{\fs }Um, okay.
    我 我要去\N{\fs }I-I just have to…
    去找Rick 然后背着我说冥王星的事吗\N{\fs }Go find Rick and go over my head about Pluto?
    不是 我只是要去厕所 神经\N{\fs }No. Geez, I just got to go the bathroom. Damn.
    哦 很好\N{\fs }Oh. Okay, good.
    这一定会很好玩的\N{\fs }This is gonna be fun.
    Morty 让我 让我 \N{\fs }Hey, Morty, let me let me let me
    问你个问题\N{\fs }ask you a question real quick.
    这世上有邪力吗 如果有\N{\fs }Does Evil exist, and if so,
    有办法检测和测量吗\N{\fs }can one detect and measure it?
    呃\N{\fs }Um…
    这是个设问句 Morty\N{\fs }Rhetorical question, Morty.
    答案是”有并且可以 只要你是天才”\N{\fs }The answer’s “yes, you just have to be a genius.”
    真赞\N{\fs }Cute.
    你姐的老板给了我这个显微镜\N{\fs }Your sister’s boss give me a microscope
    这东西会使让我变成弱智\N{\fs }that would have made me retarded.
    噢 噢 天啊 Rick\N{\fs }Ooh. Oh, boy, Rick.
    我觉得你不该用这个词\N{\fs }I’m don’t think you’re allowed to say that word, you know?
    Morty 我没有对残障人士不敬的意思\N{\fs }Morty, I’m not disparaging the differently abled.
    我是在陈述事实 如果我用了这显微镜\N{\fs }I’m stating the fact that if I had used this microscope,
    这东西就会使我的智商降低\N{\fs }it would have made me mentally retarded.
    {\an \fs }That’s retarded(真逊 真差劲)\N常因为暗含对残障人士的不尊重而被认为是”政治不正确”的话
    retard一词本指先天残障 后引申出”糟糕 愚蠢”之意
    Rick 我说的不是逻辑问题\N{\fs }Okay, yeah, but I don’t think it’s about logic, Rick.
    我觉得这个词已经变成了某些自己以为是的政治集团\N{\fs }I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for powerful groups
    拿来说事儿的东西了\N{\fs }that feel like they’re doing the right thing.
    真扯淡\N{\fs }That’s retarded.
    你们在说什么\N{\fs }What are you guys talking about?
    显然 啥都没说\N{\fs }Apparently, nothing.
    你问他冥王星是不是行星了对吧\N{\fs }You asked him if Pluto is planet, didn’t you?
    - 没有 - 不是\N{\fs }- No! - It’s not.
    闭嘴 Rick\N{\fs }Shut up, Rick.
    哇啊\N{\fs }Whoa.
    我不管别人说什么\N{\fs }I don’t care what anyone says.
    如果它以前可以是行星 那现在也可以\N{\fs }If it can be a planet, it can be a planet again.
    行星 行星 行星 行星\N{\fs }Planet, planet, planet, planet.
    科学一点吧 Jerry\N{\fs }Stay scientific, Jerry.
    这瓶须后水的确让女人为我倾倒\N{\fs }This aftershave made women want me,
    但它也让我阳痿了\N{\fs }but it also made me impotent!
    做任何事都要付出代价的 Goldenfold先生\N{\fs }A price for everything, Mr. Goldenfold.
    任何事情都有代价\N{\fs }A price for everything.
    上帝啊\N{\fs }Oh, my God!
    我怎么会没想到\N{\fs }How could I not see this coming?!
    我的欲望 我的贪婪\N{\fs }My lust! My greed!
    都是我活该\N{\fs }I deserved this!
    这种血清可以中和副作用\N{\fs }This serum should counteract the negative effects.
    天哪\N{\fs }Holy cats!
    姑娘们 我们走吧\N{\fs }Ladies, let’s get out of here.
    我什么教训都没接受\N{\fs }I haven’t learned a thing!
    你可以拿回去了\N{\fs }Here. You can have this back.
    你没有用吗\N{\fs }You didn’t use it?
    我当然用了 用来开发了这个\N{\fs }Sure I did, to develop this.
    {\an \fs }Twilgiht Zone 年电视剧 并在 年拍摄电影\NRay Bradbury 美国奇幻恐怖小说作家\NFriday the th: The Series 电视剧 其中主角姐弟俩继承了一家有各种被诅咒物品的古董店
    它能探测并分类你这些”阴阳魔界” “Ray Bradbury” \N{\fs }It detects and catalogs all your “twilight zone,” Ray Bradbury,
    “十三号星期五” 巫毒破烂玩意儿\N{\fs }”friday the th:the series” voodoo crap magic.
    我觉得你说不定会想要\N{\fs }I thought you might want it.
    免得你不小心卖给谁 比如\N{\fs }so you didn’t accidentally sell anybody, say…
    能创作出最畅销谋杀案\N{\fs }A typewriter that generates best-selling murder mysteries
    并让它们真实发生的打字机\N{\fs }and then makes the murders happen in real life? Ooh.
    安静点\N{\fs }Be quiet.
    你不想确保顾客都知道他们买了什么吗\N{\fs }Don’t you want to make sure people know what they’re getting?
    你不会是故意的吧 卖这种\N{\fs }You’re not intentionally selling…
    能让丑女人变美但会让她们失明的美容霜\N{\fs }Beauty cream that makes ugly ladies pretty but also makes them blind?
    真是荒谬之极\N{\fs }I find this all quite preposterous.
    哦 我说 好先生 哦 哼哼 哦 哦\N{\fs }Oh, I say, good Sir. Oh, harrumph. Oh, oh.
    真漂亮\N{\fs }That’s beautiful.
    你知道三小时后就变成它穿着你了吗\N{\fs }You know it’s gonna be wearing you in three hours?
    你是想让我报警吗\N{\fs }Do I need to call the police?
    拿去 你可以用我的电话\N{\fs }Here, you can use my phone.
    别担心\N{\fs }Don’t worry.
    它不会让你失聪的 我又不是黑心商\N{\fs }It won’t make you deaf because I’m not a hack.
    嘿 别这样\N{\fs }Hey, no!
    - 你以为自己多[哔]棒 你[哔]蠢蛋 - 住手\N{\fs }- You think you’re [Bleep] so great, you stupid piece of [Bleep] shit. - Stop it!
    - 住手 嘿 嘿 - 你丫[哔]\N{\fs }- Stop! Hey! Hey! - [Bleep] you, man.
    立刻住手\N{\fs }Stop it right now!
    Rick爷爷 我喜欢在这工作\N{\fs }Grandpa Rick, I like working here.
    你是在为魔鬼工作\N{\fs }You work for the devil.
    那又怎么样\N{\fs }So what?
    你说怎么样\N{\fs }So what?
    是 就算他是魔鬼又怎样 Rick\N{\fs }Yes, so what if he’s the devil, Rick?
    至少魔鬼有份工作\N{\fs }At least the devil has a job.
    至少他在社区很活跃\N{\fs }At least he’s active in the community.
    你干什么了\N{\fs }What do you do?
    你吃我们的 然后做些小玩意\N{\fs }You eat our food and make gadgets.
    走好不送\N{\fs }Buh-bye.
    哎哟\N{\fs }Wh…oops.
    真抱歉 所需先生\N{\fs }I’m sorry, Mr. Needful.
    我会清理干净的\N{\fs }I’ll clean that up.
    我不知道怎么处理从里面跑出来的女鬼 但是\N{\fs }I don’t know what I can do about the ghost lady that came out of it, but…
    没关系\N{\fs }It’s fine.
    Summer 你爷爷说的没错\N{\fs }Summer, you know, your grandfather’s right.
    这家商店诅咒人们 \N{\fs }This store curses people.
    这就是我的生意\N{\fs }That’s my business.
    没错\N{\fs }Well, yeah.
    快餐让人们患上糖尿病 \N{\fs }Fast-food gives people diabetes,
    服装店都有血汗工厂\N{\fs }and clothing stores have sweatshops.
    雇佣青少年的公司有哪家不邪恶的吗\N{\fs }Is there a company hiring teenagers that isn’t evil?
    这是我的第一份工作\N{\fs }This is my first job.
    你对我很好 所需先生 \N{\fs }You’ve been nice to me, Mr. Needful.
    你尊重我\N{\fs }You respect me.
    拜托了 叫我”魔鬼”\N{\fs }Please, call me “the devil”.
    - 还是算了吧 - 说得对 上班时间还是算了\N{\fs }- I’d rather not, actually. - Yes, perhaps not during business hours.
    我说了 我要填写冥王星是行星的声明\N{\fs }I told you, I want to file a declaration that Pluto is a planet.
    那我儿子的科学课就要挂科了 \N{\fs }Well, then my son’s going to fail his science class,
    如果那样的话 \N{\fs }and when that happens,
    我第一个起诉的就是你们\N{\fs }I’m suing you first.
    我算明白NASA里的”A”是什么意思了\N{\fs }I think I know what the “A” in NASA stands for.
    爸爸 你这游戏最后打算怎么办\N{\fs }Dad, what’s your endgame?
    这不是游戏 傻瓜\N{\fs }Ain’t no game, sucka.
    我就做一个八颗行星的太阳系不好吗\N{\fs }Why don’t we just make the solar system with eight planets?
    不是还简单些吗\N{\fs }It’s even easier.
    当然 那我们为什么不直接把伽利略烧死在刑柱上\N{\fs }Sure, sure, and why don’t we just burn Galileo at the stake
    因为他说太阳是圆的\N{\fs }for saying the sun is round?
    科学并不总是那么简单的 Morty\N{\fs }Science isn’t always easy, Morty.
    哇 哇 搞什么鬼\N{\fs }Whoa! Whoa! What the hell?!
    我是小疯疯国王 冥王星的统治者\N{\fs }I’m King Flippy Nips, ruler of Pluto.
    我们在例行监视你们星球的时候偶然发现了你\N{\fs }We discovered you quite by accident during routine surveillance of your world.
    你真是给了航空航天局的人点颜色啊\N{\fs }You really gave it to those guys at NASA.
    我只是 你懂的 有时候科学有关信念\N{\fs }I was…you know, sometimes science is about conviction.
    我要向你们介绍一些非常赞同你们的人\N{\fs }I’d like to introduce you to a few people that very much agree with you.
    哦 我\N{\fs }Oh, I…
    冥王星的子民们\N{\fs }Plutonians.
    Jerry Smith是地球来的科学家 \N{\fs }Jerry Smith is a scientist from earth,
    他正在创造一个太阳系的模型\N{\fs }where he’s creating a model of our solar system.
    Jerry 向冥王星宣布你的决定\N{\fs }Jerry, tell Pluto about your decision.
    呃 冥王星是个行星\N{\fs }Um…Pluto’s a planet.
    冥王星是个[哔]行星 贱人\N{\fs }Pluto’s a [beep] planet, bitch!
    天哪\N{\fs }Oh, man.
    他的脑子绝对会被冲昏\N{\fs }This is definitely gonna go to his head.
    如果你渴求的是矫健的身手 阴道校长\N{\fs }If it’s athletic prowess you desire, Principle Vagina,
    - 我可以 - 我收下了\N{\fs }- I might… - I’ll take it.
    但是我还没\N{\fs }B-but I haven’t even…
    万分感谢\N{\fs }Thank you very very much.
    好商店 好地方 再见\N{\fs }Great store. Great Place. Bye.
    好吧\N{\fs }Huh. Okay.
    说实话 summer 我本以为你外公闹了一通以后\N{\fs }I must say, Summer, I thought your grandfather’s outburst.
    会影响我的生意\N{\fs }would have disrupted business,
    但这真是塞勒姆女巫审判以来我过得最好的周末了\N{\fs }But this is the best weekend I’ve had since Salem.
    真棒 那中午吃”美满康”怎么样\N{\fs }Nice. “Wholesome Delight” for lunch?
    是那家素食店吗\N{\fs }Is that the vegan place?
    没错 我爱死他家的汤了\N{\fs }Yeah, I love their soup.
    我有点不宜喝汤来着\N{\fs }I’m kind of soup-ed out.
    Tate太太吗 你想要什么\N{\fs }Mrs. Tate, is it? What do you desire?
    哇哦 哇 悠着点 亲爱的\N{\fs }Whoa, whoa, slow down, honey.
    还有什么限制吗\N{\fs }Oh, is there a limit?
    都是免费的 对吧 \N{\fs }Everything is free, right?
    这么说吧 你付的确实不是钱\N{\fs }Let’s just say you don’t pay… with money.
    说得真好\N{\fs }That was perfect.
    你会以被诅咒为代价 对吧\N{\fs }You pay with the curses, right?
    呃 但 Tate太太你为何想要被诅咒的东西\N{\fs }Um… I, well… but, Mrs. Tate why do you want cursed items?
    我会去”诅咒净”移除诅咒的\N{\fs }Well, I’m going to get the curses removed at “Curse Purge Plus.”
    就那个在电视上的家伙\N{\fs }You know, the guy on TV?
    什么\N{\fs }What?
    你有从一家神秘的古董店或是\N{\fs }Have you acquired creepy specific old stuff
    二手店收到些稀奇古怪的玩意吗\N{\fs }from a mysterious antique or thrift store
    这些东西可以给你神力但却以出乎预料的方式狠[哔]了你\N{\fs }that gives you powers but [Bleep] you in unforeseeable ways?
    把东西带来”诅咒净”\N{\fs }Bring it to “Curse Purge Plus.”
    我靠科学收钱解咒\N{\fs }I use science to un-curse the items for cash,
    然后你可以继续保有神力\N{\fs }and you get to keep the powers.
    这家伙得了双可让他跑得飞快的神奇运动鞋 \N{\fs }This guys got mysterious sneaker to make him run faster, but guess what?
    但他必须以跑至生命的尽头为代价 这就一文不值了\N{\fs }He would have to run until he died,making them worthless.
    我解了咒 让这鞋值\N{\fs }I remove the curse, making them worth, like,
    说不好 万美元\N{\fs }I don’t know, million dollars?
    奥林匹克见\N{\fs }See you at the olympics.
    这个有诡异智力的玩偶会威胁要杀死带走它的那家人\N{\fs }This eerily intelligent doll was theratening to murder its family.
    现在 它可以为他们处理税务\N{\fs }Now, it does their taxes.
    一切皆可减免\N{\fs }Everything’s deductible.
    再不需要出卖灵魂来换取好东西\N{\fs }Don’t pay for the cool stuff with your soul,
    付钱就成\N{\fs }pay for it with money.
    就像这世界里其他的商店一样\N{\fs }You konw, like how every other store in the world works.
    本店坐落在老城第一主干道\N{\fs }We’re located at first and main in old town.
    赶紧行动 机不可失\N{\fs }Come on, come on down.
    第一主…\N{\fs }”First and…”
    免费的邪物也在这个地方\N{\fs }Where you can get evil items for free!
    这个该死的…\N{\fs }Diabolic son of a motherf…
    欢迎回到”早安 冥王星”\N{\fs }We’re back on “Good moring, Pluto.”
    让我们欢迎今早的来宾 地球科学家Jerry smith\N{\fs }And a very good morning it is for our guest, earth scientist Jerry smith,
    他的大胆宣言已经登上头条 那就是\N{\fs }who’s making headlines with his bold announcement, that is,
    是什么 Jerry\N{\fs }What? Jerry?
    冥王星是一颗行星\N{\fs }Pluto is a planet.
    - 快听听 - 说得好\N{\fs }- Well, how about that. - I love it.
    Morty Smith 我叫关德宽\N{\fs }Morty Smith, I’m Scroopy noopers.
    我是一名科学家\N{\fs }I’m a scientist.
    我能带你去看样东西吗\N{\fs }Can I show you something?
    还是免了吧\N{\fs }Uh, I better not.
    立马来\N{\fs }Right now.
    这是冥王星的地下中心 Smith先生\N{\fs }The center of Pluto, Mr.Smith,
    它是由钚(以冥王星命名)构成的\N{\fs }is made of a substance called “Plutonium”.
    这些矿井开采钚并传输到整个城市\N{\fs }Mines like these suck plutonium up to the cities,
    大公司将其用作能量供给\N{\fs }where corporations use it to power everything,
    从钻石汽车到黄金浴室\N{\fs }from diamond cars to golden showers.
    不断地开采导致冥王星不断地萎缩\N{\fs }And the more we remove, the more pluto shrinks.
    就像这样 又缩小了一点\N{\fs }There it goes again. Just shrank a little.
    但是几年前 你们的科学家注意到了冥王星的不断变小\N{\fs }But a few years ago, your scientists noticed pluto had gotten so small,
    已经不能再称为一颗行星了\N{\fs }they couldn’t even call it a planet anymore.
    {\an \fs }事实上冥王星是因为当初科学家对其质量计算错误误将其归为行星
    那本该是敲醒我们的警钟\N{\fs }Should’ve been our wake-up call.
    但那些冥王星的富人们却不愿清醒\N{\fs }But the rich plutonians won’t wake up,
    他们十分喜欢你爸爸告诉所有人冥王星还是颗行星\N{\fs }and they love your dad telling everyone pluto’s a planet,
    因为这就意味着他们还能继续开采\N{\fs }because that means they can keep mining
    直到冥王星从行星变为小行星 然后是流星 最终变为…\N{\fs }until pluto goes from planet to asteroid, to meteor, and finally…
    派对吗\N{\fs }A party?
    你们家的人都是傻子吗\N{\fs }Is everyone in your family an idiot?
    反正我和我爸是\N{\fs }Well, for sure me and my dad are.
    好吧 你要做的就是让他承认这个说法\N{\fs }Well, all you have to do is get him to admit that,
    那样你就能够拯救 亿人的生命\N{\fs }and you could save four billion lives.
    好吧 但问题是 我爸很没有安全感\N{\fs }Yeah, you know, the thing is my dad’s really insecure.
    有意思\N{\fs }Hmm, funny.
    所需先生 店里这么多东西\N{\fs }Mr.Needful, out of everything in the store,
    {\an \fs }猴爪 出自 W. W. Jacobs的同名短篇惊悚小说 其中的猴爪可以满足三个愿望 但每一个愿望都会带来不可预料的代价
    你绝对猜不到没被卖掉的居然是这件\N{\fs }you’ll never guess what we couldn’t get rid of.
    哦 天哪\N{\fs }Oh, my god.
    天哪\N{\fs }Oh, my god.
    我希望这个桌子能变轻点\N{\fs }I wish this desk was lighter.
    我希望这个扣结能变松点\N{\fs }I wish this knot was looser.
    赶紧的\N{\fs }Come on.
    我不\N{\fs }I don’t…
    我在做什么傻事呢\N{\fs }Wait, what am I doing?
    我希望我会做心肺复苏\N{\fs }I wish I knew CPR.
    \N{\fs } , …
    哦 天啊\N{\fs }Oh, jesus.
    猴抓这么用可真是浪费\N{\fs }What a waste of a monkey paw.
    所需先生 你怎么能做这么可怕的事呢\N{\fs }Mr Needful, how could you even think of doing something so horrible.
    我是魔鬼啊\N{\fs }I’m the devil.
    我失败了还能怎么办 吃个冰淇林吗\N{\fs }What should I do when I fail, get myself an ice cream.
    你还没有失败\N{\fs }You haven’t failed.
    像Rick这种人让我一无是处\N{\fs }People like Rick are making me obsolete.
    说实话\N{\fs }I mean, seriously.
    我也许是个魔鬼 但你外公他才是真正的魔鬼\N{\fs }I may be “the devil”, but your grandpa is the devil.
    我只想回地狱\N{\fs }I just want to go to the hell,
    那里所有人都觉得我聪明又有趣\N{\fs }where everyone thinks I’m smart and funny.
    不 这不公平\N{\fs }No! It’s not fair.
    这个镇上所有的人都从你这儿得到了想要的东西 包括Rick\N{\fs }Everyone in this town got something they wanted from you, even Rick.
    我是你唯一的朋友 我什么都得不到吗\N{\fs }I was your only friend, and I get nothing?
    好吧 我会给你一样东西\N{\fs }Ok, I’ll give you one thing.
    说吧\N{\fs }Name it.
    我想要帮助你\N{\fs }I want to help you.
    这招漂亮\N{\fs }Clever twist.
    我可是师从高人 你个老混蛋\N{\fs }I learned from the best, you old fart.
    现在我们给你补水去\N{\fs }Now, let’s get you hydrated.
    这看起来是个 被诅咒的拳击手套\N{\fs }Looks like we’ve got…haunted boxing gloves
    能让你获得 年的重量级拳击冠军\N{\fs }that will make you the heavyweight champion in ,
    之后你就会困在那里 不断赢同一场比赛直到永远\N{\fs }and then you’ll be trapped there, winning the same fight for eternity.
    我可以弄掉”永远”的诅咒和没用的部分\N{\fs }I can take out the “eternity” and the padding,
    你就有一个可以穿越时空的连指手套了\N{\fs }and then you’ll have some time-traveling mittens.
    {\an \fs }Rosemary’s Baby 年经典恐怖电影
    这不是”魔鬼圣婴”吗\N{\fs }Oh, look, it’s Rosemary’s baby.
    生意怎么样\N{\fs }How’s business?
    这是我们最后的库存\N{\fs }Here’s the last of our inventory.
    我们准备申请破产 然后重组\N{\fs }We’re going to file chapter and do some restructuring.
    这意思不就是”你赢了 Rick”\N{\fs }Sounds like code for “you win, Rick”.
    这就对你这么重要吗\N{\fs }That was important to you, wasn’t it.
    不 这对你那蠢恶魔朋友非常重要\N{\fs }Nope, It was important to your dumb devil friend.
    对我来说 这不过是像\N{\fs }To me, this was all just a bit,
    {\an \fs }兔八哥里的一集 兔八哥扮作指挥家狠狠作弄了一个歌剧演员
    兔八哥恶整歌剧家 分钟而已\N{\fs }like when bugs bunny [bleep] with the opera singer for minutes.
    他差点自杀\N{\fs }He tried to kill himself.
    真的 哎哟我的老天爷啊\N{\fs }Seriously? Holy crap. Holy crap.
    但你知道吗 Rick外公\N{\fs }But, you know what,grandpa Rick?
    他很坚强 他决不放弃\N{\fs }He’s strong, and he’s vever going to give up.
    好吧 我可不在乎\N{\fs }Uh-huh, yeah, I don’t care.
    我知道\N{\fs }Oh, I know.
    所有人都知道你不在乎\N{\fs }Everyone knows you don’t care.
    怎样\N{\fs }So?
    那祝你不在乎的愉快\N{\fs }So have fun not caring.
    我一直愉快\N{\fs }I always do.
    很好\N{\fs }Good.
    没错 好得很\N{\fs }Yeah, It is good.
    再好不过\N{\fs }It’s the best.
    可不是么 拜\N{\fs }I’m sure it is. Bye.
    回见\N{\fs }Later.
    我来取我的亡灵猫和小孩\N{\fs }I’m here to pick up my undead cat and child.
    好的 稍等\N{\fs }Yeah, uh…give me a sec.
    这是员工们的健康计划的表单\N{\fs }These are the forms for the employee health plan.
    好吧 把它们放在我的…呃\N{\fs }All right,Put them on my…eh
    我玩腻了 都走吧\N{\fs }I just get board. Everybody out.
    好了 这次集会结束后\N{\fs }All right, just one more rally
    咱们就回去做你的科学作业\N{\fs }then I promise we’ll get back to your science project.
    爸 冥王星不是一颗行星 大公司在让它不断缩小\N{\fs }Dad, pluto isn’t a planet. It’s shrinking because of corporations.
    好吧 这不是那个反行星的极端疯子关德宽\N{\fs }Yeah, that’s what that anti-planet nut job scroopy noppers was screaming
    在筹资部外面嚷嚷的吗\N{\fs }about outside the ministry of money’s fundraiser.
    你是想说四十亿冥王星人都错了\N{\fs }Are you telling me four billion plutonians are wrong?
    你说过科学并不简单\N{\fs }You said science wasn’t easy.
    我说的是科学并不总是简单的\N{\fs }I said science isn’t always easy.
    很显然 这意味着有时候会很简单\N{\fs }Obviously, that means sometimes it is easy.
    我们别纠结这个文字游戏了 儿子\N{\fs }Let’s not debase ourselves with word games, son.
    爸 整个行星危在旦夕\N{\fs }Dad, their whole planet is dying.
    哈 你刚叫它行星\N{\fs }Ha, you called it a planet.
    将军\N{\fs }Checkmate.
    你们好啊 冥王星众们\N{\fs }What’s up, pluto?
    Smith先生 麻烦把你刚才和我说的和我朋友在说一遍 来吧\N{\fs }Mr.Smith, please tell my friend here what you just told me. Go on.
    我那热情的母亲刚刚给我上了九根腌瓜 其中一根就是冥王星\N{\fs }My very eager mother just served us nine pickles, and the “pickles” is pluto.
    天哪 他可真是个天才\N{\fs }My god, the man’s a genius.
    打扰一下\N{\fs }Um, excuse me.
    Morty 怎么了\N{\fs }Morty, what?
    爸 你怎么看最近发表在<冥王星科普>上的报告\N{\fs }Dad, what did you think about the recent report published by
    “地心钚元素开采是造成星球地震 地表陷落及萎缩的罪魁祸首”\N{\fs }”linking pluto-quakes, sinkholes, and surface shrinking to deep-core plutonium drilling?”
    儿子 那你怎么看你 岁时拉在自己的裤子上后\N{\fs }Well, son, what did you think when you were and you pooped your pants,
    把沾上粑粑的小裤裤扔出的卧室窗外\N{\fs }and you threw your poopy undies out your bedroom window,
    因为你认为这就跟扔垃圾一样\N{\fs }because you thought it was like throwing something in the garbage?
    我修剪树篱时就看见它挂在上面\N{\fs }I mean, I’m trimming the hedges and these things are just hanging there.
    难道要让我以为这是屎兔兔干的\N{\fs }Was I supposed to think the poop bunny left them?
    说得真好 爸\N{\fs }Good one, Dad.
    嘿 Morty 你想去…噢\N{\fs }Hey, Morty, you want to go on a…oh.
    嘿 Beth\N{\fs }Hey, Beth.
    在么\N{\fs }Hello?
    嘿 Jerry 你还在这犯傻吗\N{\fs }Hey, Jerry, you in here being stupid?
    多谢\N{\fs }Thanks.
    嘿 我在想要不要看部电影\N{\fs }Hey, you know, I was thinking, you know I might watch a movie.
    我的程序设定不支持友谊\N{\fs }I’m not a programmed for friendship.
    随你便吧\N{\fs }Suit yourself.
    嗨 嘿\N{\fs }Hey, hey.
    你怎么了\N{\fs }W-w-what’s going on?
    你能帮我做那个破科学作业吗\N{\fs }Listen, can you help me do the stupid science fair project?
    随便吧\N{\fs }Whatever.
    Jerry 你现在一定非常兴奋吧\N{\fs }Jerry, you must be so excited.
    冥贝尔奖可是科学家能获得的最高荣誉啊\N{\fs }The Pluo-Bel Prize is the highest honor a scientist can receive.
    真是荣幸又不太好意思呢\N{\fs }I’m flattered and humbled.
    这句不错 发表感言的时候记得用上\N{\fs }I like that.Use that in your sppech.
    还有 提一下冥王星是行星这事 人们可喜欢了\N{\fs }Also, talk about Pluto being a planet. People like that.
    殿下 我们逮到关德宽了\N{\fs }Your Highness, we’ve captured Scroopy Noopers.
    你们这群畜生 禽兽\N{\fs }You animals! Animals!
    看看是谁的小旅程走到尽头了\N{\fs }Ooh! Look who’s little journey’s come to an end.
    {\an \fs }关塔那摩湾 其中有一处军事基地被美军用于拘留和审讯伊拉克及阿富汗的恐怖活动嫌疑人和战俘
    把他带去冥塔那摩湾\N{\fs }Take him to Plutonamo Bay.
    你是不能扼杀事实的 父亲\N{\fs }You can’t kill the truth, father.
    - 什么 - 我能理解你的困惑\N{\fs }- What? - I can see you’re confused.
    冥塔那摩湾是个军事监狱 玩个文字游戏\N{\fs }Pluotonamo Bay is a military prison, a sort of play on words.
    他刚刚叫你”爸爸”吗\N{\fs }Did he call you “father”?
    关德宽 那个反行星狂热份子是你儿子\N{\fs }Scroopy Noopers, the anti-planet nut job, is your son?
    只要给他们机会 后浪推死前浪 Jerry\N{\fs }The young eat the old if you let them, Jerry.
    冥王星是个冷冰冰的矮行星啊\N{\fs }Pluto is a cold, cold celestial dwarf.
    是个什么?\N{\fs }It’s a what?
    啊 哦 行星啦\N{\fs }Huh? Oh, planet.
    “冥王星是个冷冰冰的行星” 我是这个意思\N{\fs }”Pluto is a cold, cold planet.” That’s what I meant.
    快去让他们欢呼尖叫吧\N{\fs }Knock them dead out there, you.
    冥王星\N{\fs }Pluto is…
    不是一颗行星\N{\fs }not a planet.
    它不是一颗行星\N{\fs }It’s not a plant.
    喂 真的不是行星啊\N{\fs }Hey! It’s not a planet.
    我只是个爱儿子的傻瓜而已\N{\fs }I’m an idiot, and I love my son.
    经历了漫长的 个小时 \N{\fs }It was a long six hours,
    我们重新整合了”所需之物” 变成了全球协作网络\N{\fs }but we’ve overhauled “Needful Things” into the globally-compliant web
    . E奇迹 N dful.com\N{\fs } . “E-nomenon,” N dful.com
    网名用” “取代了”E”哦\N{\fs }Spelled with threes instead of “E’s”
    太好了 我们刚刚被谷歌买下了\N{\fs }Ok, that’s it. We just got bought by Google.
    我好为你骄傲哦 Lucius\N{\fs }I’m so proud of you, Lucius.
    我们总共赚了多少\N{\fs }So, how much did we make?
    “我们?” 这可是我的生意\N{\fs }”We?” This is my business.
    保安\N{\fs }Security.
    你这是翻脸不认人吗\N{\fs }You’re zuckerberging me?
    {\an \fs }扎克伯格曾将facebook共同创始人排挤出公司\NI was zuckerberging people before Zuckerberg’s balls dropped.\N原意 扎克伯格毛还没长齐我就在干这种翻脸不认人的事了
    我翻脸的速度可是比翻书还快啊\N{\fs }I was zuckerberging people before Zuckerberg’s balls dropped.
    我可是魔鬼啊 婊子\N{\fs }I’m the devil, bitch! What, what.
    我靠\N{\fs }Hey!
    Morty\N{\fs }Hey, Morty.
    爸 你怎么这么快就从冥王星回来了\N{\fs }Oh, hey dad. What are you doing back from Pluto so quick?
    总是有些人接受不了事实\N{\fs }Some people just can’t handle the truth.
    特别是像我一样的傻子\N{\fs }Especially dummies like me.
    Morty 我知道我没有外公Rick这么聪明\N{\fs }Morty, I’m not as smart as your Grandpa Rick,
    但我保证再也不会因为这个给你添麻烦了\N{\fs }but I promise never to make that your problem again.
    爸 没有人比Rick还聪明\N{\fs }Hey, dad. Nobody is smarter than Rick.
    但是也没人能取代你是我爸的事实啊 在这点上你比谁都在行\N{\fs }But nobody else is my dad. You’re a genius at that.
    哇\N{\fs }Wow…
    这真是荣幸又不太好意思呢 儿子 谢谢你\N{\fs }That’s…humbling and flattering, son. Thank you
    我们一起把那 大行星太阳系模型做完吧\N{\fs }What say we finish ourselves an eight-planet solar system?
    我还是把这个交上去拿个”A”就好了啦\N{\fs }Um… I’m just gonna take this in and get an “A.”
    - 黄油 - 但是…\N{\fs }- Butter - But…
    作为一个爸爸 你比谁都在行\N{\fs }You’re a genius at being my dad, dad.
    所以不要再计较了\N{\fs }Quit while you’re a head.
    还有 下次进来时记得敲门\N{\fs }And also, knock next time, you know.
    我是说 我正在房间里 我都 了\N{\fs }I mean, I’m sitting in here, I’m .
    我面前放着一台电脑\N{\fs }I got a computer in here, you know.
    我想我懂你的意思\N{\fs }Oh… I think I understand.
    你这样不敲门就进来 真的是在玩火哦\N{\fs }You’re really playing with fire when you burst in here like that, man.
    懂了啦 不用再说了\N{\fs }I get it, say no more.
    总有一天啊\N{\fs }I mean, one of these days, you know.
    你会看见…\N{\fs }You’re gonna end up seeing something…
    我知道了 记住了啦 晚安\N{\fs }I got it! Noted! Good night.
    你的那个代理外公怎样了\N{\fs }How’s your pretend Grandpa doing?
    别称 “恶魔”\N{\fs }AKA “The Devil.”
    - 他把我甩了 - 那还真是对不起啊\N{\fs }- He dumped me. - Sorry.
    我们是有学到什么我没有领悟的大道理吗\N{\fs }Did we learn a lesson here I’m not seeing?
    不确定\N{\fs }Not sure.
    或许往深层次想\N{\fs }Maybe in a much bigger way,
    所需先生同样满足了我们两个的愿望\N{\fs }Mr. Needful gave us both what we really wanted.
    我一直嫉妒你和Morty成天在一起\N{\fs }Because I was always jealous of you hanging out with Morty,
    而你也没有意识过 其实你很重视我对你的肯定\N{\fs }and you didn’t realize how much you valued my approval.
    - 不 这太蠢了 - 是啊 一点满足感都没有\N{\fs }- No, that’s dumb. - Yeah, not satisfying.
    不过嘛 如果你只是想得到满足感的话\N{\fs }I’ll tell you what though, if it’s satisfaction you’re after,
    我有个好主意\N{\fs }I think I might have an idea.
    行啊 我们就这么办吧\N{\fs }Totally, let’s do it.
    就这样 我把我的店面推上了成功的最前线\N{\fs }And that’s how I took my storefront into the forefront of the front.
    谢谢你 西雅图\N{\fs }Thank you, Seattle.
    Rick Summer\N{\fs }Rick? Summer?
    - 傻逼贱人 - 你个贱婊子\N{\fs }- Stupid mother[Bleep]. - Your stupid bitch.
    傻逼贱人 这招如何\N{\fs }Stupid mother[Bleep]. How do you like that?
    这招又如何\N{\fs }How do you like that?
    为什么\N{\fs }Why?
    因为有时候你最需要的 只是让别人付出他们应付的代价\N{\fs }Because sometimes what you really need, is for someone else to pay a horrible price.
    - 我们成功了 - 是啊 兄弟 - 太值了\N{\fs }- We did it. - Yeah, Bro. - We totally worth it.
    - 圆满搞定呢 - 是啊\N{\fs }- We just pulled it off. - Yeah, Bro.